Olds Albertan – Article How Do You Doula. By Joesph Ho

Olds Albertan – Article How Do You Doula. By Joesph Ho

This is an exciting and wonderful thing I am sharing with you today. I was lucky enough to be featured in our local paper in an article about Doulas.  I feel very blessed and honoured to do what I do, and am even luckier to be featured in this article. It is a great passion that I share with birthing moms, and I’m excited to  continue my journey as a Birth Doula. Please enjoy and share with your friends. Every pregnant Mom and Dad deserve a Doula if they want one.

And remember Doulas don’t replace the support of your partner, but rather work with them as a team to help them support you better, enhancing their support and taking some of the stress off their shoulders. My Dad clients are one of my biggest advocates for Doula support. : )

Thank you for your support and I look forward to celebrating World Doula Week with everyone.

Cheers.

Click on the link at the top of this post. 🙂

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Mom’s remeber who that Women is?

It’s been a busy week so far. My mom duties have been many and it seems it will get busier before it gets better.

This morning I was getting ready for the day, making a mental list in my head of all the things I needed to do today, the people I needed to call, the things I need to pack, the schedule for the day when a simple thought popped into my head as I looked at my self in the mirror.

I am a Woman too.

This week I have definitely forgotten that. I am not only a Mom,or a friend or even only a wife, but I am a woman too. A woman who wants to feel beautiful, to have the time to do her hair and feel good when she looks in the mirror. But mostly I am women who wants to be desired, not just as a wife who wants her husbands affection, but as a woman who longs for a mans touch, her mans touch. I had forgotten that woman was inside of me and I’m sure sometimes that man inside my husband gets bogged down by life too.

I want all Mom’s to remember that woman, that the goddess still exists inside, even when there are days you can not find the time to brush your teeth for all the things your children need. When life gets so busy your duties as a Mom, wife,employee seem to consume your life,  just acknowledge that she is there…. waiting… patiently. And there will come a time when you can channel that woman and bring the goddess out. 

 

 

 

Keep it Simple

We’ve all heard our parents or maybe our grandparents tell us about the good ole days. A time when things were simpler and people more friendly. Perhaps as teenagers, like I know I did, we rolled our eyes at them and thought crazy ole people, don’t they see how far we’ve come? The advancements that have made our lives better, faster and more efficient? Maybe we still rolled our eyes at them in our 20’s, because look at all the amazing things that have even happened just in the last two decades. Internet, email, touch screen, smart phones, smart TV’s, Hybrid cars, medical advancements in treatments, surgical advancements, social media, and all the like. The ability to access and publish information quickly to a large portion of people. And now as a parent and only since then do I see things in a different light. All of these things have their benefits for sure, but I think there is something to be said for keeping it simple, less is more, and simple pleasures, especially when it comes to the pressure these things place on us.

I’m talking about the pressure to know things, to be informed, to share, to do the “right” things, wear the “right” things, say the “right” things and be with the “right” people. Again all of these can be good sometimes too, like knowing what your buying, or what options are available, but with all things, too much of a good thing can be bad. I’m sure we could all write a blog about how too much TV or Video games is bad, but today I want to focus in on a different issue I see that keeps recurring.

With internet and social media, parents have access to information like never before. Parenting sites, blogs, pages, support groups and research information is everywhere. We are constantly bombarded with articles, letters and posts on parenting.  Again good in moderation, but how do all those articles we read and posts we see about parenting make us feel?

More and more often I am reading encouraging blogs about not worrying if your not a perfect parent or a perfect mom. Articles about enjoying the simple things in life, or letting your kids have more independence and saying no to attachment parenting. And the scary part….. we need to read those articles, we need to be reminded to not be so hard on ourselves. So that got me thinking…. Why do we need to be told these things?

It would seem that sometime in the last two decades something happened to the standards of parenting. Socially have we expected too much, set the bar too high, and made it our business to be in everyone else’s business? Parents are scrutinized and measured up to some kind of standard set by “THEM”. And when we don’t measure up we feel guilty. It seems now that as parents we are taking a stand and saying no to this. More and more I’m reading about being a good mom is being true to yourself and trying your best. How not to be so hard on yourself if there’s toys everywhere and your home does not look like the IKEA catalouge. A reminder that our kids wont remember the clothes we wore, or the color we dyed our hair, but the times we sat on the couch and read them a bedtime story. Those articles truly encourage and inspire me. They remind me that if we really do try our best, show respect and don’t be so quick to judge, that we don’t have anything to be guilty about, except for being human. And maybe that is what we are realizing…. that we are just that Human. We make mistakes and that’s okay. Reading these things makes me hopeful that we have not lost touch with a simpler time, and that maybe we can continue to make our world a better place for our own children’s children.

Gone are the days when Mom gave you $0.25 to go see a double feature at the theatre downtown with your brother on a Saturday and told you to not to come back till supper (True recollection from my Father-in-Law) but is organizing every minute of the day being with your child and then trying to cook, clean, dress and look perfect better? I think we are desperately searching for a happy medium right now, and we are looking for other parents who feel the same way. I know I’m not the only one out there as I have found friends who share this view. Right now I believe we are in the process of trying to learn from the past and grow in the future taking the good things from both. I think we now recognize the benefits of encouraging independence but know the importance of guidelines. I want my children to be aware that people watch everything they do and say but to also not be trapped by this. I wonder what the world is going to be like for my children in two more decades, a thought I never worried about till now. Will it truly be a better place?  Only time will tell.

This mom is going to try putting her guilt and judgement out with the trash, and set realistic expectations. Live by example and not worry if my floors are sticky. I can clean them tomorrow. I will also not try to stress about those 10lbs and remember that my kids care more about hugs then my love handles. As long as I stay healthy and keep my kids feed and healthy, clothed and happy, then the rest can follow. We need to start with the simple things which are the most important. Love, food, shelter and grow from there.

My mom who inspires me always gave me a gift for mother’s day and I think it is a really good reminder…. GOOD MOMS HAVE STICKY FLOORS, DIRTY OVENS AND HAPPY KIDS. My dad who cares about my happiness with all his heart gave me another gift that says: In this house we do real, we do loud really well. we do sorry. we do fun. we do mistakes, we do second chances. we do hugs, we do family. we do love…… So my parents really get it. They know what its like. And these pictures and sayings are out there to purchase, so that tells me deep down our whole society believes it too and we want to bring it back to the forefront. We want to live it daily and for that I am glad.

Cheers to all the moms and dads out there who are trying to keep it real and simple. Be proud, Do your best, Learn from your mistakes and let your kids be kids, so in turn they can do the same.

 

Dobby and Kreacher

You know what I wanted for Mother’s Day….. A house elf. You know what? I didn’t get one. Boo. This is a gift I’ve been asking for for quite a while now, and I just don’t understand why I haven’t received one yet. Now I know they are kinda ugly looking creatures, but if I had my own little Dobby to do the chores I dislike, I think he’d grow on me. I’d even put up with kreacher’s attitude if he cleaned my toilet every week. Lol. Okay kidding aside, I think most women would jump at the chance to have a house elf, it’s nice to get a break from the constant cleaning, laundry and dishes. Somedays I wonder what would happen if I went on strike and didn’t do any laundry, cooking, cleaning or picking up of toys. I’m sure eventually it would get done, but it’s the little bits that mom does everyday that keep it manageable. It’s also those little bits everyday, that start to wear us down. Like water in a crack in a mountain.
So now your probably thinking, goodness what kind of housewife is this? She doesn’t like cooking or cleaning. Well the answer is… I’m still fairly new at the whole housewife thing. Even though I’ve been married a decade (OMG) I’ve only been home full time for about two years, so I’m still finding my groove. These things take time right? slowly but surely, at least that’s my moto. Lol.

24/7 – What’s on the menu?

All right ladies, here is my rant for today. I can be many things, play many roles, and where many hats. I even like to think once and a while I’m really good, but being a cook is not something I’m passionate about. Sure I enjoy baking and cooking a great recipe, but lets be honest, being a mom and wife requires more then just the occasional meal.

The thing all women need to be told if they are to become moms is this…. your day revolves around food. First its what to feed them for breakfast, what to pack in their lunch, and what to pull out to make supper. When and where to buy the cheapest groceries for the food, and are they getting enough food. Then cleaning all the dishes you cooked and ate the food in. If your nursing are you eating enough food to feed your baby, and when will they wake up again to eat…. It is a never ending thing with a family.

This week I am going to a meal prep workshop with a friend, hopefully it will inspire my creativity again about food, cause boy is it a big part of my life these days.

A view of the World…

I sat down at my computer this afternoon to do some email stuff, I open my internet and our home page pops up. This is my news life line. I do not sit down on the couch at the beginning of the day or at the end of the day to watch the local news. Today as I read the yahoo headlines on the internet, I was again reminded of why I don’t like watching the news. Innocent children caught in a tragic situation. It breaks my heart.

Media news is filled with sad stories, crime, tragedy, loss, suffering with the occasional feel good story thrown in here and there. I find this especially true for local television news. They show all the crappy stuff, then try and end on a positive note hoping you will remember that and not think of the crime and anger you saw earlier.  Does  this really work? I think not.

What are bad news stories teaching us, what are they are teaching our children, how is this affecting the next generation who will run our world? As a mom this really worries me. I wonder how different our world would be  if positive news stories made the headlines more? I’ll let that sink in a minute.

I see happy news stories on the internet more then the television, but not nearly enough. You know the stories of someone rescuing a child, or a teenager raising funds for a charity, etc… Those stories inspire us to be better people. So what if we watched the news each night and it was filled with positive events, stories and people? Would that make us want to be better people too? Would it inspire us? Encourage our communities and build a better society? Hmmmm Maybe, just maybe it would.

Big Thank you Hug.

I just want to take a moment to thank you for joining me this past week as I celebrated World Doula Week on my Blog. I hope you enjoyed my posts this week and I want to thank you for your support of my new role and my journey to being a Super-Doula. LOL. Sorry for the pun. I am just excited to be a Birth Doula and will continue to search for ways to make my services better and personalized. The joy that comes from seeing a mom and dad become parents for the first time is truly beautiful.

I am fortunate enough to have more then a few births coming up in the next few months, and I can’t wait to stand by each of them and offer words of support and encouragement or to simply hold their hand, no matter what time of day it is. Being a Doula isn’t a job for me, it’s a gift I’ve been given that I want to share. Every birth I attend is a privilege and I am humbled and honored to be a part of it.

I want to say a big thank you to my past clients and to my future clients, but there is one person who deserves the biggest thank you hug more then anyone else, for without him, I could not do any of this. As I write, I am brought to tears….. You see I have the most amazing husband, and with out HIS support, I could not do this at all. Thank you Dean for your loving care, your hours of childcare, your ears that are tired of hearing about all things baby, and still sending me out the door saying “don’t worry just go, Good luck and have fun. ”  Even though this journey for me is just beginning I feel his support stronger then any other, like we are on the same page and I truly don’t have to worry. This is where I am meant to be and he knows it to. Thank you so much! I love you Dean.

PS…. Dean you were my Doula, my support and my rock at each of my Births. Without you by my side I would not have been able to do it. You gave me strength and you believed in me. Every women should be so lucky.

XOXO

Birthworkers…. A poem to share.

World Doula Week is almost over, but the learning will not stop. I was fortunate to come across this beautiful poem and asked the author if I could share it. She was happy to share it with me, and now I am happy to share it with you. You can check her page out…

http://www.facebook.com/induetimedoula

Birthworkers Poem

For all the birthworkers – doulas, midwives, obstetricians, family doctors, and nurses….Written by Nicole Morales With thanks to Oriah Mountain Dreamer for inspiration

 It doesn’t interest me how many textbooks you’ve read or conferences you’ve attended, I want to know what you are thinking after a birth when you’re laying awake in bed at night.

 It doesn’t matter what your background is or how many births you’ve gone to, I want to know the place in your heart and soul that comes alive when you enter a birthing space.

 It doesn’t interest me what your protocols are or aren’t, I want to know where you feel it in your body when a woman feels triumphant.

 Then there is the moment you put your hands on the mother’s belly, I want to know what words you whisper to the baby tucked in that belly

 I want to know what you know by the sound of a moaning mother in labor. I want to hear how you are truly connected with your heart and soul to the birthing family. I want to know what you feel when you see the baby’s head begin to crown.

 I want to know if in the dark of night, how you raise your tired bones and weary spirit and move on to the next birth.

 I want to know what your rituals for healing are be it of storytelling, daydreaming, or praying.

 I want to know if you are willing to give up your judges and ideals of a perfect birth and surrender to your heart and belly to supporting your mothers, fathers and families however they need to be supported.

I think I will read this each time before I go to a birth with a client. I think it will help put me in a really great frame of mind, open my heart and help me help my clients better. Thank you for letting me share your beautiful Poem.

Videos and Books

As a Doula, one of the things I would like to do is help educate people about choices, options and their rights. And we live in a world of information. You don’t have to look far to find a blog, a website, and some really good videos too,  but sometimes picking up a decent book can be just as good or a better source of information.

So here are a few recommendations:

Video – Netflix – Business of Being Born- A documentary by Ricki Lake – I think Everyone should watch this movie, not just expectant parents. It is filmed in the US, but still much of it applies to Canada too.

You Tube Video – 90 seconds to change the world: Alan Greene at TEDxBrussels – This is a great 15min clip about the benefits of Optimal Cord Clamping, something I myself hadn’t even heard about till I was pregnant with my third, and something I’ll tell all my clients about.

Books: I could go on and on about books, but here are few favs:

Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth – Ina May Gaskin – Truly any book by this women is worth reading.

B.A.N.I – Birthing as Nature Intended – Teresa Van-Zeller

The Birth Partner – Penny Simkin – Again another great advocate in the Birth world.

Pregnancy, Childbirth & the Newborn – Simkin, Whalley, Kepler – A good all round pregnancy and birth book.

Birthing from Within   Pam England, Rob Horowitz

The list could be pages and pages long, I still have a stack of books on my shelf I’d like to read, but just cant read fast enough….. It might have something to do with all the extra kids in my house….no???  ; ) Regardless of where you decide to get your research,  Knowledge is Power. And if you know what your options are then you can make informed decisions.