Spring start.

Well hello, I know it’s been quite a while since I’ve posted anything, but I’m happy to be writing today. I had taken a short break, because quite frankly, I couldn’t think of anything good to write about. The weather had me in a funk. But in the last week, spring has finally arrived, and the green grass I have been longing to see is here.
I never used to think the seasons could affect my mood, but after six months of winter in Alberta, I needed some sunshine to rejuvenate my soul. I needed warmer weather for the kids, so they could play outside, and finally it is here.
It’s funny how I understand now why my mom always talked about spring being like a re-birth. This spring I truly feel it. I feel refreshed, excited and eager. Ready to set some new goals and enjoy what is in store for me.
With the help of a friend ( or two) I am working towards running 5km in a few different fun runs. It is the start of something great, and training with a friend is the only way to go. Plus getting up and being physically active does wonders for your self-esteem. I feel better knowing I’m healthier. I’m also enjoying Zumba as it feeds my passion for dance and burns calories at the same time!
Another goal, that I see coming closer into view is my doula certification. I’m currently on call for a client with more this summer, and I hope when the summer is over I will have the experience I need to do the reports and send away my certification package. What a good feeling that would be.
All around there are lots of good feelings at our house. The cows have calves, the grass is green, my baby took his first steps, Deanna grows taller, Caitlin is getting more independent, and I can sit back and soak it all in, plus some much needed sunshine. Thank you spring for a fresh start.

Re-blog of Renegade Mothering.

Here is a link to a wonderfully written blog that speaks of the powerful transformation that takes place when your first born arrives into this world. I don’t usually talk about topics like this, but this blog hit a home run for me.

Recently I came across a letter I had written to myself in early 2005. As I read it, silent tears ran down my face.  It was a reminder of a sad time, a time of mourning and loss, and yet I had been given so much.  But as I read my own words, my tears turned from sorrow to joy. How is it that just 8 years ago I was soo far away and now I have discovered a passion for birth; that I want to make a career out of helping other women make the beautiful transition into motherhood?? Wow I am truly blessed to have come so far. And I could not have done it without my husband. He was and still is my rock. He was always there and supported me as I transitioned into my role as a mother. And now I see the joy in his eyes as I pursue being a Doula. His support is strong.

Now I will probably never share my own letter, but this lady’s blog mimics my letter. She shared those things  most women hardly dare to think and it is wonderfully written. Thank you Renegade Mother, for sharing this with us. I believe all women should read this to know they are not alone, and it is okay to grieve for you loss in a time of great joy. Thank you so much. I feel like a part of me has healed even more after reading this.  Click on the link Below.

I became a mother, and died to live..

Renegade Mothering –  http://www.renegademothering.com

Sunday Morning

Today I got up before anyone else. On a Sunday. When I could have slept in. Why you ask? I will tell you and the answer is very simple.

I have a friend who has done this for many years, and I think I need to take a page from her book. To rise before the rest of the house, simply so that I may have a few minutes to myself. That’s it, that’s all. Just a simple selfish answer: ME time.

There is a saying, “When mom is happy, the whole family is happy”. Both my husband and I agree with this saying 100% and since the beginning of 2013, I have really felt like I’ve had no time for me. Even a few minutes can mean a world of difference. Last week when we were dealing with colds, flu, runny noses, medicines and sleepless nights, my dear husband Dean even  offered me a chance to just drive to town to get a Timmies! For my fellow rural friends, you understand what that means. You don’t just do that! It’s gas, time, wear n tear on the vehicle, and a waste of a trip to town. Even though I did not go, I fully appreciated his understanding. I was tired and stretched thin, I needed a bit of space and a few normal minutes for me.

So this is my solution. Get up before everyone else and take 15mins to do something I want to do. It can be simple as reading a book, blogging, making my fav breakfast, or a project I want to start. It has worked for others I know, and I’m hoping that if I get a few minutes for me in the beginning of the day, it will start my day off right, and make me a happy Mom.

A happy Mom, a happy husband, happy Dad, happy Deanna, happy Caitlin and hopefully a Happy Conner man! Lets test it out this week, and see how it goes. So far this Sunday morning has been very productive and I feel pretty good. So that is a great start.

Enjoy your Sunday Morning, I already have!!

Imprinting

“All the lines that held me to my life were sliced apart in swift cuts, like clipping the strings to a bunch of balloons. Everything that made me who I was…….. disconnected from me in that second – snip, snip, snip – and floated up into space.

I was not left drifting. A new string held me where I was.

Not one string, but a million. Not strings, but steel cables. A million steel cables all tying me to one thing – to the very center of the universe.

I could see that now – how the universe swirled around this one point. I’d never seen the symmetry of the universe before, but now it was plain.

The gravity of the earth no longer tied me to the place where I stood.

It was the baby girl……………….”

Stephanie Meyer – Breaking Dawn

Eight years ago today, my life changed forever. An event occurred that would affect every thought, every decision, and every choice I made. It changed how I saw myself, my husband, my parents and even my friends. It changed the way I LOVED.  As I look back over the last eight years I realize that that there is nothing on this world like the love of a mother. Eight years ago today I looked into the beautiful blue eyes of my first born baby girl and the role of Mom was bestowed on me.  Never again would my world be the same, for I was a Mother now.

There are many sayings and quotes out there that show a Mom’s love. A favorite of mine is “No one else will know the strength of my love for you. After all, you’re the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.” Beautiful. But as I lie awake in bed this morning remembering the day of Deanna’s birth like it was yesterday, I thought, hey there is someone I know who has described what happens to a Mom when she looks into the eyes of her newborn baby, and for all you Twilight fans, you know what I mean when I say Imprinting!

Now correct me if I’m wrong, but as I read the passage from Stephanie Meyer’s book this morning, I did not think of the first time I saw my future husband or even the first time he told me he loved me, granted those are significant events, but I thought of each of my children when I held them for the first time. They changed my universe. They changed what mattered in life, they helped me see the big picture better. As a Parent one thing seems to matter above all else, seeing your children truly happy. To have them safe and healthy and for them to know they are loved. The similarities to what Stephanine Meyer called Imprinting in her series seems familiar now. I understand where the idea came from, for she is a mom too. She understands the special love a parent has when they see their child for the first time. This is something only a parent can understand. A beautiful, Innocent, Powerful, Life changing love.

I think I appreciate my own parents more now that I am a Mom. Now I know where the care and concern comes from, and how they love each of us. I understand their hopes and dreams for us and why they are so happy when we are happy.  I see how they made sacrifices for us, and worked hard for us, and taught us important lessons that would benefit our adult lives. Now I want to do the same for my children, to share with them and teach them the things in life that will bring them happiness. Not money or wealth, but things like honesty, respect and loyalty. That’s the kind of Mom I want to be.  When I was a teenager, I never dreamed that the role of a Mom would mean these things. It’s so  much more then just having a baby of your own to look after hey? The role of Mom means you think about yourself less and catch yourself thinking about your children and their future more than anything else.  Each decision you make now not only effects you, but it effects them as well. It truly is a huge responsibility.

I definitely “Imprinted” on each of my children when I saw them the first time, when the title of Mom was given to me, but I think it takes time to actually become a Mom. It is something that you constantly work at. Eight years ago I was given that title, but it’s only in the last few years that I finally feel like I’ve started to become the Mom I want to be. Don’t get me wrong, I have always loved my children and understood what truly mattered, but it has only been recently that I really took that role and quote “Jumped in with both feet”. Now I look at my own sacrifices differently. I see things in a different light and I really appreciate my time with my children more then I every have. I truly want to share in their joy and fun, and teach them those life lessons. It may have taken me almost 5 years to start figuring all this out, but I am glad I’m not 5 years too late.

Today I remember Deanna’s birth with pride and joy. She is a beautiful, smart and wonderful child. I am so glad she was the child that made me a Mom. I am glad that I am becoming the Mom I want to be while she is still young. I am so happy and proud of my little girl, the girl who changed my life, the very center of the universe. Happy 8th Birthday to my first born. I love you, Dad loves you and we pray for your happiness today and always.  May you always remember we are here for you, our hearts belong to you, for you have made an “imprint” on them that will last an eternity. Smile, Laugh, Love. Have a wonderful day Bunny. You are our sweetheart.

Love Mom. Love Dad.