We all have days where we wake up and think, I don’t want to get up today, I just want to stay in bed all day and feel sorry for my self. It’s cold outside and the weather is Icky and I want to stay under the blankets. Yesterday was that day for me.
I was tired, cold, I had a sore hip and a mild headache. I just didn’t feel like me. I was short on patience, generally grumpy, and easily annoyed. Now for some women we just call that PMS and move on, but this was different, It’s more like mommy blahs, a condition that occurs after many many days of only doing mommy stuff. Oh I don’t know, I’m just being silly, but I know it wasn’t the same as my pre-baby PMS days. I started to contemplate just what was bringing me down. I think there are many factors adding to my blahs from yesterday; Lack of sleep with a nursing baby, kids vying for my attention, a big stack of laundry, finding clothes that fit my post-baby body, missing my husband, and the weather too. But all those little things start adding up until one day, it just becomes too much all together and I get grouchy. My poor kids and hubby……
Also contributing to my mood; The Year of the Dragon, or so I’ve been saying. I don’t know how much of that stuff is true, but it seems this year has been one of those years. It feels like there have been lots of things happening to people I know that just don’t seem fair, or are unfortunate. I know I can’t control those situations, but my heart goes out to them and I can’t help but feel a little sadness for them. It’s part of what makes us human, to feel sympathy for others who are struggling or sad, or like me, just having one of those days. But sometimes those feelings just hang on a little longer or bother you a bit more then normal and it takes more effort to let go.
Now I probably didn’t help my own mood by watching a documentary the night before, which is sooooo fabulous by the way, called The Business of Being Born. As I watched it, I was so shocked and yet encouraged. I felt that my goal of being a Doula will help women, that it will empower women to overcome some of the fears and issues of medicalized births. I wont get into the details of the film, because it actually make me very passionate and physically upset, but it does make me feel that my role as a Doula is part of something special. That Doulas are part of a important movement for our women. I was actually upset that I could not do more to help these women and I’m sure that added to my mood yesterday. I know it’s not realistic for me to think I can help everyone, but maybe I can change the world, one birth at a time! I also watched Pregnant in America, well done, but The Business of being born I enjoyed more.
Which brings me to the main reason I believe I was grouchy, I’m not a really patience person to start with, and being a Doula means I have to wait for the call. I hate waiting. lol. However, I know that when the call does come, it will be very rewarding experience indeed.
I did end up having an okay day yesterday, I had a visit on the phone with a friend, talked to my mom, watched Deanna read to Caitlin, crossed some things off my to- do list and found some jeans that fit me thanks to a friend of mine. So today I am going to follow the advice of that friend. I’m going to put on my jeans, do my hair and makeup, put supper in the crock-pot and shake off the mommy blahs. Maybe I’ll book a hair appointment and make myself feel like a women again and not just a mom today, maybe today I’ll get lucky and my client will call. Now that would be a wonderful pick me up, don’t you think?